You run around all day, gettin’-r-done, taking care of the people in your life that rely on you for everything from clean socks to date-night. Witnesses hail you as Wonder Woman in the wake of your accomplishments. So I ask the taboo question, when was the last time you did something that was all you. Not squirt, not the hubby, not the bake sale, not the sixth committee you signed up to be second chair on and the first chair lady bailed so now….. (you know how that story ends). Just YOOOOOOU.

     Neglecting your own needs, dreams and desires is a dangerously bad habit to get into. I am not saying put yourself in the front of the line. Come on now, I’ve been on that crazy train called first day of school, and being first in line just isn’t happening for the CEO of a family. Experts say a happy mom is a happy family, but I submit those experts have never had to wrangle four kids at 6:30 AM and still get their own teeth brushed. I know the truth.

     I know that if you put yourself first, the rest of the world will spin out of control off into the vast universe, and you will be the one who has to go chase it down and rope it back in. BUT, I am telling you now, years of pretending that's okay, or that your needs don’t matter will take their toll. Eventually you lose track of who you are without the appendages of children and hubby.

     Don't panic, I am not saying you need to come first, to maintain an identity, but you have to at least be on the ‘top ten’ of your own to do list. It’s about balance. You can take care of everything and take care of yourself a little too. I swear.

     Think about it a minute. We plan our kiddos parties, we plan date night, we plan dinner, heck…some of us even ‘plan’ to clean house (not me, but some of us). Perhaps, in order to find time for yourself you need to actually put ‘you’ on the calendar, and keep that appointment with yourself. That way, you know when it's coming, which gives you time to prep for it and make it happen. NO excuses. 

     I’m not going to lie, I am as guilty as the next momma. I also struggle with making myself a priority, so I had to do some research to figure out what 'doing for me' even looked like. I read a book The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson. I did enjoy the book, although I think her budget is very different than mine, but the basic concepts got me thinking, what did I do in my life that was all about me? The answer was a big, fat negatory, nada, zilch. This is what happens when you neglect yourself for many, many years. So, at the ripe old age of 46, I embarked on a journey to find myself, which I will share in future blog posts for anyone else who finds themselves on this path.

     If you’re like I was, and have no idea where to begin, another good place to start is Jenny Penton’s Vlog, Project Me). I stumbled across her YouTube channel this summer and watched this post where she reinforced everything I was feeling and thinking.  Only, she goes about it in a more organized way than I did. She plans for herself and makes it happen, which I love.

     If you just want to start small and need some ideas, read my blog post 5 Ways to Pamper Yourself When You Are The Cheapest Woman On The Planet.

   So my question stands, what have you done to take care of you? Or… what will you do?

     I would love to hear your ideas and plans in the comments below. 

Do I even have a tribe? ​One of the things I have been working on this year in my path to finding a new and improved healthier happier self, is finding my tribe. A process that should be fairly easy, but has somehow eluded me. Making friends is a basic skill we learn in kindergarten, right? "What's in your lunch sack? I'll trade you my healthy lunch my mom took much care in packing. She thinks I love apples, but I'll swap you for your Cheetos?" Friends for life, or at least until first grade. Simple. Direct. Honest. 

​Somehow, over the years that skill faded into befriending the moms of the kids my kids hung out with, wives from clubs my husband joined, and work pals. As much as I cherish each lasting friendship I have cultivated through those sources, looking back I had to wonder, when was the last time I actually made a friend all on my own? The hard truth, I had not in a long, long time.

As part of my adventure to reclaim my sense of self and sanity, I have set some goals, and one of those goals is making my own friends. As me, not an extension of my kids or husband, just me.  But how exactly does one do that? (I have images of Sheldon reading Stu The Cockatoo Is New At The Zoo in my head.)

One thing I did was sit down and really look to pursuing interests all my own. I am a writer and have made many connections in that world, all of whom I value. But, although they are an amazing support system, they are still technically 'work buddies'. I had to sit down with myself and ask the question, "What do I enjoy doing that is not all about books, my husband, or my kids?"

That took some thinking. It is not always as obvious as one might expect. I love my pets, but was I interested in the dog show or rescue world? Not at all. I have enough critters at home, and if I brought home another, I might end up exiled to the hen house with them all. I love cleaning out closets and re-organizing, but really that's just an extension of my need to provide a somewhat orderly home for my family. What do I love that is not about anyone but me? When you ignore yourself for years, that question becomes harder to answer.

I looked at my neglected little corner of the hobby room  as well as the groups I followed on Facebook and such to find common threads. I had my answer. Paper crafting. More specifically, planner crafting. Now I realize this may not be your thing, but stick with me here. This is about the process of finding your tribe, not about the tribe I found. 

I looked at my Facebook groups again. I really had already built an online tribe within all my interests. If you think about it, regardless of your interest or hobby, they are already out there waiting to like and comment on your posts, yes?

Then it hit me, I looked for a local meetup to attend. There were some in Seattle and some in Portland. Of course I am right in the middle, and not willing to travel 2 hours for a coffee date. I knew this would not work, I have a life that requires my presence, much the same as you I suspect.

So I started my own Facebook group. (Learn how here.) You only need to invite one other person to start your own group, so I posted in some of the groups too far away and asked if there was anyone close to me. I pm’d one lady and she agreed to open the Tacoma Planner Peeps with me. I then posted in all related groups about our local meetup (with admin permission of course) and we grew.

We have one monthly meeting...easy...do-able. But I have had coffee and lunch with some of the ladies besides that. New friends who share my passion. It is amazing to have conversations with ladies who say things like, “You played library instead of dolls too!?! I thought I was the only one, I am so glad I met you!” Acceptance of who you really are, besides the roles of Wife and Mom. That is the joy of finding your tribe.

I am loving my new friends, as well as finding time for myself to be just ‘ME’ away from my family. Trust me, they are alive when I get home, and no worse for the wear. Chances are your tribe is waiting out there for you, you just don’t know them yet.  Take a risk and find them, it will bring a new level of joy to your life that you've been missing for a long time.

It’s easy to say "I want to make a change in my life", but then the “when", "how", and "what does that look like” make the choices seem overwhelming. We tend to get stuck in looking at all our imperfections, wanting to fix everything we perceive wrong with ourselves in one magic moment, basically becoming an entirely new entity. Then the task seems momentous and we shrug and say "oh well, it was a good thought. But who am I kidding. This is who I am going to be forever."

Riddle me this Batgirl, what makes change possible? Is it being a super hero and leaping tall piles of what we hate in ourselves in a single bound? Orrrr…. Is it taking one courageous step in ANY direction, different from the place where we have been standing still far too long?
​
One step, that all it takes to change EVERYTHING. One small step. Because by definition, even one small step away from habits and/or routine, one small step from who we were yesterday makes us a new creation today. The thing that trips us up is being afraid of where to step next. I propose that it’s not about the destination or goal. It IS about not doing the same thing you did yesterday. That is a win! Imagine looking down at your feet and seeing an empty footstep where you used to be. Don’t worry about looking up at the goal and seeing how far away it is. Just keep moving.

That’s all well and good you might say, but where do I start?

A good way to begin is by doing a simple 30 day challenge.Soooo many types of 30 day challenges! (I have a board on Pinterest dedicated to them. Steal one if you like.)  Some focus on exercise and eating right, drinking water and healthy habits. Some contain the key to decluttering, being a better Mother or wife. Being a happier YOU. Learning to meditate, learning to run when all you’ve ever done is walk. So many choices!
​
I began collecting these challenges because my personal goal this year is to pick one each month and do my BEST at it. If I miss a day, I pick an easier day and do two tasks, or I skip it all together and move on. The key is to keep moving, keep trying keep looking at those empty footsteps behind you and smile in the knowledge you are growing. If you don’t see any you like, make up your own. Maybe you wish you looked more put together even though you are a housewife and feel like there is no place to go. SO maybe your challenge is not to wear a pony tail or sweat pants for a month. Maybe ad some lip gloss on a day the no pony tail thing was particularly easy. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that embraces the spirit of your goal. Not everything, and not all at once. And if you happen to wear a ponytail one day, then you try again the next day, because it makes you feel good to do it.

First off, I'd like to start by saying I love "trick shots" as much as the next gal. But when did sex become all about staging the scene? Yes, kink absolutely has its orgasmic place. But can one survive on a diet of only exotic, rich desserts? No, at least probably not without some gastronomic distress. It doesn't nourish your body. Just as kink is no substitute for that deep, real connection in your love making, which nourishs your relationship.

I am here today to point out that when the focus of sex becomes all about being HOT, there can be a danger that it also becomes less about the connection between the two of you. Corny I know, but the best sex I've ever had with my husband has been in the heat of the moment. No planning. No worrying about the right lingerie. No thoughts about what position to transition to for the best penetration and stimulation of the g-spot.

The physical act of sex has become so focused on erotic experience, I can't help but wonder if all of us everyday people   (I hope it's not just me) have begun to feel that in order to have a satisfying sex life, we have to constantly up the anti. Finding that next level of kink to push past the doldrums. But in that process, we can lose the sensation of the world falling away as we stare into each other’s eyes and connect emotionally.

Remember that feeling the first time he touched you? Were you worried about getting in the right position? I dare say no. You were focused on the texture of his skin against yours and the way he smelt while he breathed on your neck. Your leg found its way to wear it needed to be without direction from you.  I guarantee it.

I propose a smarter way to better sex. A level of intimacy that can only be achieved when we let go of the physical aspects around us. Don’t get me wrong, spanking, squirting, and handcuffs all have their place, but is it possible to loose the emotion behind sex when worrying about how to get and stay in the twister inspired position? Where is my leg? Is my ass jiggling? Please don’t touch that fat roll! Any of these thoughts sound familiar?

But how do you take sex to the next level without adding porn style kink at every turn? Make damn sure, whatever flavor sex you’re having, the focus is all about the connection. If you can’t remember how to get back to that connection, there is an entire practice based on doing just that called tantric sex. You can follow this link to find out the basics from the pros. If that seems a little intimidating, here is a simpler break down on reconnecting with your partner from the Huffington post.

I am not saying experimentation and setting the mood is a waste of time. Not at all! Planning a sexy night experimenting with pleather body suits and candle wax can certainly get things going. If that is your new adventure, go for it! Just don’t rely on it. Kink doesn’t fill your heart. I think you would do better to enrich your sex life by focusing on your senses. That moment when he reaches out to touch you, let everything else go. Be in that moment, nowhere else. Let the world fall away. Touching, feeling, tasting and smelling your partner is more important than the rubber suit riding up your ass.
Just my two cents.
​
Anyone out there brave enough to share what they do to reconnect with their partner? 

It's casual Sat at the office. No clients. No business associates, other than the norm office crew. Everyone dressed down with their sleeves rolled up to dig in and get some work done. Me? I walk in sporting my pigtails, ready to get busy. Co-worker next to me comments that no one over ten should be caught dead wearing pigtails. Pppffffssstttt. That's the sound of the air being sucked outta my joy balloon.

So I lifted my chin and refrained from smarting back, because that dear friends, is how I roll...most of the time. It got me to wondering, is my ripe old age of 45 too old for pigtails? Joy? Playfulness? At what age am I supposed to chop off all my locks and get a tight, short Grandma perm and start bitching about young people these days? Dear Lord, just shoot me...seriously, please...I'm begging you. 

A little history here might be helpful. At about 35, my kids had gotten older and needed me less, I suffered a loss of identity and started to give into the pull, dressing the way I thought was appropriate for my new stage in life. The way my older peers said I should. And little by little I forgot who I was. Hell, I even went so far as to start wearing hand me downs from my MIL. Don't laugh. It happened. Why? Because I was giving in. Insecurities crept into my soul and Boom! I lost the sparkle in my eye. People noticed. My husband and kids noticed. I noticed. Then the worst possible thing happened. At about the age 40, I began to hate myself.  

I had to do something drastic! Something absurd, something for just me. I bought a hair flower. Simple, small, beautiful. I bought it because I wanted it. I bought it because I shouldn't. I bought it because it spoke to me. It said 'I am who you used to be'. And I wore it. It didn't match. It didn't have to. It was a new beginning. The road back to loving myself as I did back when I was vivacious and 'young'.  

So back to my pigtails. I rocked them with my chin in the air and a smile on my face, knowing that I had something that co-worker didn't understand. She didn't have to. That's kinda the point. Doing what brings you joy is the only way to live your life. You will never be deserving enough, or as young as you once were, or whatever it is that runs through your head when you tell yourself no. That's why you have to love yourself enough to say yes anyhow. That right there, my friends, is the fountain of youth. 
  
​I quoted Dylan Thomas's poem because truer words were never spoken on the topic of not so much aging, but of the loss of passion in your life. Many people think Dylan Thomas was writing about his father dying, but scholars say he was actually speaking about his father's impending blindness as wordsmith, Mira Zaslove explains...

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night is, therefore not just about fighting against the blindness of the old man or Thomas's own battles, but about all of us raging against our weaknesses, and the gradual loss of our fire, passions, and life."

An article circulated around this time last year that caused a stir, '24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30', which I refuse to link because much like my co-worker, its only intention was to suck the joy from others without purpose or reason. (You can google it if you need to, but I wouldn't bother.) What came of it was amazing... an outcry of woman over 30 celebrating life, rather than hiding from it. My favorite response being this one from social media maven, Kristen Lamb. Behold, her Pinterest page dedicated to older women dressing and behaving badly.

So, what to take away from this blog post/rant? Celebrate your life, style and tastes. Don't hide from them because of age, weight or career path. Don't let others dictate who you should be. You are unique, and embracing that will banish the shadows from your day. Much love!

I am reposting this here on my site with the original author's permission, Patricia V. Davis, because I think this is one of the best articles I've ever read on the topic.

Seven Ways to Flirt With Your Husband
Posted by: Patricia Volonakis Davis on: September 10, 2007

After the fires in Greece, lost young girls, devastating storms and several other tragedies that have taken place in the world in the last week, not the least of which seems to be, if we can judge by the tremendous newspaper coverage it’s been getting here in the States, the demise of Britney Spears pop career, I thought I should lighten things up a little with this week’s blog.

Hence I present to you, my neighbours and friends, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Husband.” This might be of interest only to female readers, but I hope men will review this, too. In case I’ve got any of it wrong, I welcome being set straight by the male population. Any insight into the masculine mind is helpful to those of my sex who value our associations with our men.

It’s been my experience that these work well if you’ve been in a romantic relationship with a man, married or not, for at least five years and it’s a reasonably happy one. For the purpose of this article, ‘happy’ means that when his key turns in the lock, you say to yourself (most of the time, at least) “Oh, good, he’s here,” and not “God help me, he’s here.” Even if the “oh, good,” just means you’re planning to send him out for milk, or waiting for him to take you to the cinema, you feel safe with him and within your partnership. In fact, you’re both so comfortable with each other by now, that blatant flirting seems ‘silly,’ maybe, or just too contrived. Still, you might be thinking…you know…it’d be nice to “add a little spark,” without making any drastic changes in your day-to-day interactions and without having to try out the sexual positions they outline in Cosmopolitan. (Those are daunting to all but the most lithe and nimble amongst us.)
The methods below, some tactile, some mental, are easy and subtle. They’ll make your man feel like a million dollars. Trust me, he‘ll return the favour.

1) Make eye contact. Okay, so he’s telling one of his stories you’ve heard at least a dozen times before. So what? For some reason, he likes to tell this story, whatever it is. Maybe it reminds of a time when he felt really good, or maybe, if he’s telling it while you’re with other people, he believes it makes him sound witty and fun. What do you gain by rolling your eyes or saying, “you’ve told this one before?” All that accomplishes is to make him feel small in your eyes. He’ll think, “she doesn’t really like me to talk to her” and so he won’t. Then you’ll feel slighted that he has nothing to say to you any more, like he“used to, when you first met.” If you’re out with people and your reaction is negative, it does more than just make him feel small. It embarrasses him. And it will make the others with you think you’re bored with each other, or worse, have no respect for one another. And doesn’t that describe the fun couple to spend an evening with? Also keep in mind that if he’s so inclined, he’ll be able to get back at you for this one in the long run. Hormone fluctuations caused by pregnancy and/or menopause, will have you not only repeating stories, but forgetting things you’ve already said and to whom, what you were doing and where you were going. Keep all of this in mind, as you look straight into his eyes when he tells that story…again. If it’s supposed to be a funny story, laugh. Again. If it’s a serious story, say, “wow.” He’s trying the best he knows how to impress you. So act like you’re impressed. It shouldn’t be hard, because you were impressed, weren’t you, the first time you heard this story from him? Relive that and he’ll notice your eyes on him. Before you know it, he’ll be staring right back at you,with pride and love that he‘s can still hold you riveted after all this time together.

2) Touch him. Not sexual touches, small, fleeting, unnecessary touches. These have their most impact when you’re not in bed, ready to do the deed. Stroke his shoulder briefly, as you pass him while he’s sitting in his chair, watching telly or reading. If he’s at the sink and his back is turned to you, pat his bottom as you go from one room to the next. As he’s just dressed for work, fresh out of the shower, lean into him, sniff and say, “Mmmm.” Out to dinner with those friends again? Very briefly, touch the back of his hand, absently, while you or someone else is speaking (Not while he’s speaking, though. He’ll probably think you’re trying to signal discreetly that you want him to shut up.)
Remember, if this man has not been cheating on you (and we hope he hasn’t,) the only romantic touch he’ll ever experience again on his body, forever, is yours. Show him it was worth making that commitment. Show him you like to touch him, you like being the lucky woman who’s able to touch him where no other woman can. He’ll think about you for hours.

3) Laugh at his jokes. His silly, corny jokes. It doesn’t matter how lame you really think they are, or if again, you’ve heard them before. The delight on his face should be worth it to you. If it’s not, you’re married to the wrong man. So be his best audience. On the other hand, if he’s making a ‘joke’ to be annoying, just ignore him. Laughing as though you’re amused when he means to be amusing, and ignoring him when he’s being obnoxious, is positive reinforcement. The same dismissive“tch” of irritation from you, whether he just wants to see you smile, or whether he’s deliberately trying to provoke you, sends the message to him that no matter what he does, he’s nothing more than a minor nuisance in your life. And who amongst us isn’t driven wild with lust when the object of our affections makes us feel like we’re no more significant than a mosquito?

4) When things are getting ‘stirred up,’ out of the blue, pick a body part of his and tell him it’s “sexy.” Not the usual ones. Eyes, lips, bums and privates are ‘old hat.’ Pick something you haven’t mentioned before, at least not too often. Tell him he has sexy eyebrows, or toes, or fingernails, or knees. Trace whatever it is with your index finger and smile. You’d best pick something you really do think is cute or sexy, because then you should give whatever it is a quick kiss or tongue flick. Say,“May I kiss you there?” And when he says “yes,” which of course, he will, do it. Think this is silly? Laughing now, because, after all this time, your husband/lover has knobbly knees, or everything else equally shop-worn? Really? How ‘bout your body parts? Still as perfect as they were when the two of you first met? Chubby, thin, saggy, hairy, bald – whatever – this man isyours. And you are his. Have fun with that. Nobody else but the two of you are watching.

5) Take an interest in his interests. Don’t belittle them to him by saying things like, “it’s just a game,” or “it’s just a hobby.” Think of your hobbies/interests – are they “justs” to you? Or are they passions? Mine are cooking, politics, books, languages, poetry, decorating, foreign films and music of all kinds and types, weight-lifting. Gosh, I have several and many of those, my husband is only mildly interested in. He has other interests, which include baseball, poker, math, stock market fluctuations and rice farming. Yet, he doesn’t demean my passions, nor I his. One of his friends recently told me that his former girlfriend used to call his ‘men’s league’ baseball uniform his “baseball costume.” How passive-aggressive. You don’t have to dive into your husband’s/lover’s interests, but you do have to respect them. Listen when he talks about them. Ask questions. Not desultory ones- specific ones. You might find the answers more intriguing than you’d supposed. At the very least, you’ll learn something new. In my association with my husband, I’ve discovered that baseballs pitched exactly the same way, by exactly the same pitcher, in different weather and climates will ‘behave’ differently, that the stock market goes up and down as much on people’s perceptions and emotions, as on economic tangibles, that there are more types of rice than I ever could have known and that the latest Superman movie had grievous errors in it, because in the film, Superman moves green kryptonite and Superman in the comics, absolutely cannot bear to be near green kryptonite. And that’s not all he‘s taught me. I’m happy that I know them, as I never would have if I hadn’t met him. From me, he’s learned how to swear in Greek, finally tasted genuine Italian food and has enjoyed living in the benefits of feng shui. There’s nothing sexier than seeing the person you love excited about something, watching their eyes light up when they tell you about the things they love. And there’s nothing more exciting then talking about the things you love, with the one person you love, more than anyone else. So, listen when he talks about that slider, that photo lens, that golf stance, that quarterback, Beckham, his poem, whatever.

6) Say something ‘silly-saucy’ when he least expects it and when it can’t lead to sex. This has the best effect if you say it when he isn’t too distracted by something really pressing. For example, my husband rang me up last week on his way home from a business trip, to tell me that his plane would arrive the next night at 7:30 p.m. Ordinarily I pick him up at the airport. This time, however, I told him, “Oh, seven-thirty tomorrow? I’m so sorry dear, you’ll have to get someone else to pick you up. I’ve already got a date arranged for then with Mr. Gonzalez.We’re having dinner and sex after.” (Mr. Gonzalez is our friend’s seventy-year old gardener.) After a short pause, my husband, replied, “Oh. Alright then, honey, ask Mrs. Gonzalez to come get me.”

7) This is the best one I have to offer. When something happens that he warned you about, or predicted would happen, tell him about it. Start by saying, “Well, you were right again.” Say it with pride, not annoyance. He’ll then, for sure, say, “About what?” You got his attention. Who doesn’t like to be told how brilliant they are?
You might think this article is a silly bit of fluff, but I beg to differ. What makes life worth living most, after all, besides loving another person? Tragedies invariably come along, as noted in the first paragraph. Happy relationships are an elixir to the spirit, a reaffirmation that it’s worth being human, worth getting out of bed in the morning, no matter what current devastation is happening in the world. These little ‘flirting tips’ will put a smile on your loved one’s face and yours, too.
As women like to be flirted with much differently than do men, now that I’ve got your attention, next week I’ll write, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Wife.”

Thank you Patricia, for letting me borrow this unique piece for my blog. It is an amazing work.

It's been a long, hot summer and this author is ready for fall. Typically speaking, I am the first in line to party Halloween night. But having just moved and been going non-stop all summer, I am ready to lounge in front of the fire with my honey and a hot buttered rum. So, this Halloween that is exactly what I have planned. Date Night with the hubby. But it is Halloween, so just any date night won't do. I have something special planned. Date night Jenga. Yep. You've heard of they family game? Maybe even the drinking game. I have decided to make up my own version with sexy and thoughtful commands designed to make our Halloween date night magical.

Then I thought, maybe I'm not the only one who's up for a quiet intimate Halloween. So, I am going to share the game here with you. I intend to type the commands listed below, print & cut, then hodge podge them to the blocks of a Jenga game. I hope you enjoy, because every night is right for romance. If you have any ideas to add, just share the love in the comments below. One random commenter will be chosen at the end of the week to win a romance themed gift box from me, which will include a signed paperback copy of my novel "Only Love Survives" a zombie themed steamy romance.
Happy Halloween romance lovers!

-Kiss a patch of exposed skin.
-Expose a patch of skin and kiss it.
-Slow dance 1 song.
-Take your undies off.
-Take off a piece of THEIR clothing with your teeth.
-Run your tongue along their 'Happy Trail'.
-Flash partner.
-Take a body shot off partner.
-Lick whipped cream of body part of their choice.
-Go again.
-Give special kisses. 1 minute.
-Receive special kisses. 1 minute.
-Give a lap dance.
-Get a lap dance.
-Use an ice cube on partner creatively. 1 minute.
-They kiss YOUR inner thigh.
-Frisk your partner against the wall while they hum the theme to "Cops". 1 minute
-Give a massage, they pick body part. 1 minute
-Give a massage, you pick body part. 1 minute.
-Kiss me like YOU want to be kissed.
-Staring contest. Winner draws next.
-Kiss for 2 minutes, no hands.
-Make partner change into outfit of your choice.
-Describe your dream vacation to partner.
-I get butterflies when you...
-Tell a favorite memory from when you were dating.
-I feel special when you...
-My favorite place to be touched is...
-I get goose bumps when you...
-I feel safe when you...
-I love you because...
-I find it Sexy when you...
-It turns me on when you...

Follow this link to the hop for more fun, great books, and awesome prizes.
http://www.thesnarkology.com/snarkology-halloween-hop-oct-26-31st/
For a chance to win these prizes:
(1) $100 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card
Go to the hop's 'like' and 'follow' list here... http://goo.gl/forms/C8m0B2NQ3d

October is my favorite month, crisp air, pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING, hot buttered rum, and of course Halloween! Here is my to do list for this October. If you have anything to add, I am always up for new ideas! Just leave them in the comments.

1. Gaze at the moon with my Love, and then make out like teenagers.
2. Go candle shopping (because the ones I have hidden in a drawer somewhere are NOT GOOD ENOUGH, must have new ones. Scents I have not tried) and burn them as soon as I walk in the door, every day.
3. Buy ingredients for Hot butter rums and hot toddies. Buy extra to keep on hand for guests.
4. Pull scarf collection out from back of closet.
5. Find a corn maze and get lost for two hours.
6. Read a new random author cozied up with a blanket and afore mentioned hot toddy.
7. Visit Pumpkin patch, pick out prettiest pumpkin I can find then bribe teenager to massacre it. 
8. Buy Halloween candy too soon and then but more the day before Halloween because family has eaten the stash.
9. Find new place to stash candy.
10. Get a pedicure with Halloween colors.
11. Make at least one of the new DYI Halloween decorations I collected on 'It's Almost Halloween' Pinterest board all year long.
12. Bake something sweet for my family.
13. Donate any Halloween decorations I've not put out last three years in a row, to make room for new ones.
14. Change blonde hair to red.
15. Watch some Halloween movies in the dark, and find a new one for the fav list.
16. Go to the haunted house flashlight tour.
17. Plant bulbs for next year.
18. Start a new INDOOR date night activity with Hubby. Tango lessons anyone?
19. Make my 19 year old watch a new kid’s movie with me. (He secretly loves it, but don't tell anyone.) Hummmm, I have not seen Frankenweenie yet.
20. Organize the kitchen to prepare for the next season to come. ;) (I will not speak it out loud, but some organization would make it run a tad bit smoother.)​

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Okay, so this is not my normal blog post, but running with the whole love yourself theme and after all, Sexy is as Sexy does! So how do you make time to pamper yourself if you are at the bottom of your own to do list? Let me count the ways… 

Trust me you are never going to meet a woman who can squeeze a penny on a time table like me. So these are some of my favorite pampering type activities I have found this summer that I don’t have to save up for, carve two hours out of my schedule, or scour the web looking for ingredients to do. These are all things you can do on a whim. Enjoy…

1) Sugar and lemon juice facial scrub.
Seriously, pour some lemon juice on a cotton ball, dip in in sugar and gently rub it on your clean face, then rinse it off. Your skin will be transformed. If this sounds complicated, I swear it is as easy as squirt, dip and rub. But just in case, here is a link to the video I found it on. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/446911963001173918/

2) Home Gel Manicure.
I have tried several kinds and I hate them all. Mostly, I hate my nails. They are thin and blister and peel like there is no tomorrow. I have done the professional tips of all kinds, can’t get em to last more than two weeks. Anyone who says they last 3-4 weeks is dangling a fishhook. Or maybe I just have crappy nails. I’ve tried wraps and drug store gel wannabes. Nope. That is until I found Revlon’s Color stay Gel Envy. OMG. Goes on nice and thin, dries fast, lasts longer than any other nail polish I’ve used then comes off easy as regular nail polish. Love it. It’s a two coat process, but way easier than going to a salon every two weeks. AND… if you look for it you can get a box set that includes the color and top coat. I got it on sale for seven bucks-ish. Splurge!

3)  Foot Softener.
Okay, I admit I only go to get pedicures because my hubby once said my feet were scratchy in bed. I love to go barefoot, unfortunately that wears on my feet. During the summer I found myself wishing I could just go get the bottoms of my feet done weekly. No way I could afford that time wise or money wise. SO, being the problem solver that I am, I hit my beauty supply store and asked for recommendations. They sell the very scratchy thing the salon uses. They also sell callous softener goop (made by Heel To Toe) to use first, and a cream to use after. My hubby now lets me rub my feet all over and no complaints.  And I can do it 3 times a week if the mood strikes me.

4) Free Kindle for PC and/or Smart phone.
I do not want another gadget to carry around, nor do I want the world of free e-books to pass me by. I was cruising Amazon and happened to see in the options to down load a book "Free Kindle for PC". Well heck yeah, sign me up. Same thing in my smart phone. Saw "Kindle for Mobile Device" as a recommended free download. Here is the kicker. If you use the same email to sign up on all devices... they sync up. So when I read on my phone, it says hey you read this book for a while on your other device, shall we turn the page you left off? I showed a gf at work how to down load books on her desktop computer, (so much easier to type and browse) then sync her actual kindle device. Bam! Life made easy, and free in my case.    

5) Hot Toddy- My fav Fall drink.
Good Earth spicy tea, shot of Honeyed Whiskey, actual Honey and a dash of lemon juice. 
A bartender friend made this for me while I was sick and I have been drinking it on chilly evenings ever since. 

So there is my cheapo way to pamper yourself. Pick one and enjoy. Or pick all of them and spoil yourself for next to nothing. 

What happens when a romance author’s own marriage waivers on the brink of disaster? Well I can tell you first hand. She stops writing, uninspired and afraid to even post a blog for fear of being discovered a sham, or disappointing her fans.

But I have come to this conclusion; even struggling romance is a hot topic. After all, is there anything hotter than screaming at the man you love well into the night, only to spend the wee hours of the morning making love and crying in his arms for fear of what is at stake?  Isn’t that the essence of every romance novel?

So here is the truth. My spouse and I are fighting with everything we’ve got in us to save our 21 year marriage. Like many other couples out there, we’ve had hard financial times, empty nest syndrome, taken one another for granted, and made what seems like unforgivable mistakes. Yet, here we are in the fight together.

Instead of avoiding this blog and all of you who have honored me by taking time to read it, I have decided to share the lessons as I stumble through them. Maybe they will help. Maybe you will laugh. Maybe you will cry because you are feeling the exact same thing. Above anything, I hope someone will benefit from what I learn the hard way, since that seems to be how I like to do things.

So lesson number one… you can only bang your head against the wall for so long before you pass out from a concussion. Meaning, no matter how bad you and your spouse want things to change, and no matter how hard you try, if you don’t have the skills you need to make it happen, they are not going to miraculously appear just because you try harder. Get help, whatever that looks like for the two of you. For us it meant couples counseling with a counselor experienced in our particular brand of crazy. Things started to improve when we got professional help. What seemed like a never ending Spirograph of circular arguments began to untangle to the point where we can begin to understand one another. Hey, it’s a work in progress. Reconstructing a marriage takes time once you've done your damndest to tear it apart. But, I believe it can be done.