YOU! I am talking to exactly you, right now. Read on and you will learn why YOU.
Sex is important to our bodies, souls and relationships. Yet, we women tend to let it fall to the bottom of the 'to do' list far too easily. I know how it feels when the world is demanding and sex somehow becomes one more area of our life we are not succeeding at. And up until three years ago, I would be guilty as charged. But something changed. I had a wake-up call so to speak. The details are not as interesting as the results, so I won’t go into that, because for each woman the final straw is different. But we all have it. That moment where we wonder what ever happened to the siren that we once were? I am telling you she’s still there, hiding, afraid to show her desire. Too tired to show her need. And feeling oh so unworthy.
Never mind all that crap you read in Cosmo. It's far too daunting, and not meant for an everyday woman leading an everyday life with kids running around. Who wants to risk being tied to a bedpost when a little fist knocks on your door proclaiming there is a monster under his bed? All the roleplaying, costumes and quite frankly some of those positions that might put you in traction, winds up leaving sex to be a special occasion occurance, and is just not enough. Let's be realistic. I am talking about the basic need for a connection between you and your mate, that by its very nature re-enforces your bond, relieves stress and rejuvenates you. All of which are medically proven chemical reactions in the body brought on by sex and a good old fashioned orgasm.
So enough of the why. Here are our biggest obstacles derived from conversations with every woman I know, and the revealing truth behind each one.
1) First things first, your body, regardless of its size, shape, firmness, plentitude or lack of, is your friend, not your enemy. It is full of ability to give and receive pleasure like nothing else in this world. Remember, he got into bed with all your naked curves... and has managed a hard on with all your naked curves. HE wants your naked curves. Don't worry about holding in your stomach and moving his hand away from your 'trouble spots'. If you are busy doing that, you are not focused on the task at hand. Don't pull away from his grasp if his hand happens to wander near a roll. When you pull away from your man during sex, even if it's to keep him from discovering a dimple cleverly hidden by sexy lingerie, he will only feel rejected. Trust me on this, I got it from the studs mouth directly, he is not inspecting you for imperfections. And chances are if he isn't 21 with rock hard abs and a sex drive that could hammer nails, hands behind his back, he will take your withdrawal as a rejection of him and his imperfections. That, my friends, is a slippery slope. Shift your focus on taking all you have, abundance or shortage alike, and use it to shower him with pleasure. Focus on that, and give him the freedom to do the same without controlling what he is allowed to touch or not. You will find that siren again.
2) Don't wait for the kids to be gone to have that romantic evening. It is okay for kids to know their parents like each other. (Of course, keeping the potty mouth in the bedroom.) But it is good for kids to hear their parents tell each other how sexy they are. It's modeling for them what to expect in a relationship later in life. Noise in the bedroom? Yep that too. I'm sorry, but do you want your kids to think sex should be quiet and hidden because it is a shameful thing to do? My husband used to try to get me in the shower with him all the time, and I'd always say no because our kids would know what we were up to, especially as they got older. After my revolution, I asked myself, 'so what?' Maybe someday they will be lucky enough to have wives who will be braver than I and shower with them. I want them to know it's okay. We need to teach our children what a loving, nurturing relationship looks like.
3) Too tired? There are chemical reactions that happen in your body during sex. Those chemicals release tension, promote sleep, and strengthen the bonds between you. Those chemicals cease flowing if you don't have sex on a regular basis. It's a vicious circle. The more you do it, the more you want it... the less you do it, the less you want it. So break the cycle, do it even if you are too tired at first. Those chemicals will start flowing again and you will begin crave his attention. Remember when you used to be all over each other every day? It might not be as frequent as when you were 21, but that overwhelming desire that trumps sleep will grow again. You just have to water the plant. (See what I did there?)
The reality is everyone's sex drive ebs and flows. But it is a very important element to our relationships, and for some strange reason, it gets away from us. I hope this blog post helps you get it back!