Feeling sexy, or more to the point, not feeling sexy is a battle every woman faces at some point. I know I have, and I know all my friends have… so what’s a lady to do when she would rather take a nap than “Nap” with the Hubby? It’s an easy solution really. Get back on the horse.
How, you say? I have so many things to do, you say. The creative juices are just not flowing, you say?
Well let me start by telling you, fair or not, sex drive is like an escalator. You are always in motion, and if you are not moving forward, you are losing ground. The good news is switching directions is as easy as flipping a switch (pun intended).
Studies show the more you have sex, the more you want it. And the less you have it… well, you get the picture. So how do you make yourself want to, when the kids, laundry and life in general are calling?
1) Stop worrying about what is not happening, and think about what IS happening.
I am as bad as the next lady about missing the here and now while I worry about either what didn't happen last time, or might not happen tomorrow. Meaning, if you are so focused on the fact that last week you never achieved an orgasm, or that tomorrow you have a back sale, you might miss that moment when your S.O. brushed the hair out of your face. When he is close, try to drink in the details. His smell, the way his hair feels under your finger tips. Noticing the details helps you stay in the moment.
2) Shake things up. Routine is the death to anything enjoyable. Think about it, even watching your favorite show on TV, if you can predict the ending, you start flipping channels. Try something, anything new. If you usually sleep in jammies, try sleeping in the buff for once. If you sleep in the buff, try sleeping in a satin nighty. If you always change in the bathroom, try standing in front of him while you take your bra off. It doesn't have to be a big deal to shake things up. Sometimes the smallest changes can really throw a monkey wrench in the routine, as you well know. Be that monkey wrench!
3) Move it or lose it. Even if exercise is not your thing, try dancing in the living room, move your hips keep them active and mobile, and the blood pumping. Arousal has to do with blood flow. Scientific fact. Now way around it. BUT you don't have to be an athlete to make things happen, just move. Wiggle your hips from time to time. Wake them up, remind them you're the boss, and they are here to serve you. Find a rhythm that makes you feel sexy. Vanessa Isaac, the creator of Hip Brazil Dance and Fitness says "Awakening your inner rhythm awakens your sensuality."
4) Me time. Quite frankly, it is hard not to resent the amount of time it takes to be intimate with someone else, if you are not making time for yourself. Yes, the world beckons, you are part of that world too, and NEED a bit of joy in your life. I am a huge planner addict, and i will tell you .... make sure you are on the "To Do" list, schedule it. Whatever that looks like to you. You cannot draw from an empty well. You cannot bring joy to your husband or children's day if you have no joy yourself. So start small if need be, but carve out a few minutes each day, week and month to make yourself feel good. Take a few minutes and hide in your room to ....whatever. Once a month make plans with a friend. Take a class, do something that is all about you, and I promise EVERYONE will reap the benefits, including your mate.
5) Read something sexy. As a romance author, this may seem self-serving, but trust me "Mom Porn" has its place in the world. There are so many authors and degrees of smut you should have no problem finding something out there that turns you on. And what's wrong with a little pre-game boost to the libido, so long as you turn to the hubby to bring it home?
So there you have it, 5 ways to get in the mood when you just aren't feeling it. Try one or two... let us know what works...or better yet, I would love to hear your ideas in the comments below. So would my other readers! We are in this together! Happy humpday my lovlies!