Being wed for over 23 years, there is little left to hide. I walk into a room and am never surprised by what I might find.

Me: Why are you sitting naked on the couch watching TV?
Him: Because I can.

What can I say to that? It's a very sensible answer. My favorite is when he farts right next to me and I say, “Really?”

Him: I am saving your life.
Me: How so?
Him: There have been medical studies that show farting wards off cancer.
Me: Eyes him suspiciously.
Him: It’s a thing, look it up.

So here we are, 23 years past the happily ever after. The kids are gone, and so are the veils of modesty. But how much is too much familiarity? Should you hold something back? Close the door when you go #2? Where is the line?

I will tell you this much, I spent the first 20 years of our marriage trying to make sure I held in my stomach while we cuddled in bed, and it almost destroyed us. Hiding the comfortable you is detrimental to your relationship. It speaks of not trusting your partner. It says if they see something of you that is too terrible, they will leave. It builds walls. Your partner will internalize your response and assume it’s them you find fault with, not that you are trying to hide your own faults.

Don’t get caught in this trap. Privacy is one thing, but make sure you are not hiding the real you in the process. Go ahead and fart in front of each other. It’s okay. It creates trust. It's your little secret. Something you would never do in front of anyone else, but him.

Of course, I am not saying you must lay everything bare for you marriage to survive. For example, to answer my earlier question, I like the door closed. I am just saying this, let some of it go and you will be happier and stronger in the end. 

I am reposting this here on my site with the original author's permission, Patricia V. Davis, because I think this is one of the best articles I've ever read on the topic.

Seven Ways to Flirt With Your Husband
Posted by: Patricia Volonakis Davis on: September 10, 2007

After the fires in Greece, lost young girls, devastating storms and several other tragedies that have taken place in the world in the last week, not the least of which seems to be, if we can judge by the tremendous newspaper coverage it’s been getting here in the States, the demise of Britney Spears pop career, I thought I should lighten things up a little with this week’s blog.

Hence I present to you, my neighbours and friends, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Husband.” This might be of interest only to female readers, but I hope men will review this, too. In case I’ve got any of it wrong, I welcome being set straight by the male population. Any insight into the masculine mind is helpful to those of my sex who value our associations with our men.

It’s been my experience that these work well if you’ve been in a romantic relationship with a man, married or not, for at least five years and it’s a reasonably happy one. For the purpose of this article, ‘happy’ means that when his key turns in the lock, you say to yourself (most of the time, at least) “Oh, good, he’s here,” and not “God help me, he’s here.” Even if the “oh, good,” just means you’re planning to send him out for milk, or waiting for him to take you to the cinema, you feel safe with him and within your partnership. In fact, you’re both so comfortable with each other by now, that blatant flirting seems ‘silly,’ maybe, or just too contrived. Still, you might be thinking…you know…it’d be nice to “add a little spark,” without making any drastic changes in your day-to-day interactions and without having to try out the sexual positions they outline in Cosmopolitan. (Those are daunting to all but the most lithe and nimble amongst us.)
The methods below, some tactile, some mental, are easy and subtle. They’ll make your man feel like a million dollars. Trust me, he‘ll return the favour.

1) Make eye contact. Okay, so he’s telling one of his stories you’ve heard at least a dozen times before. So what? For some reason, he likes to tell this story, whatever it is. Maybe it reminds of a time when he felt really good, or maybe, if he’s telling it while you’re with other people, he believes it makes him sound witty and fun. What do you gain by rolling your eyes or saying, “you’ve told this one before?” All that accomplishes is to make him feel small in your eyes. He’ll think, “she doesn’t really like me to talk to her” and so he won’t. Then you’ll feel slighted that he has nothing to say to you any more, like he“used to, when you first met.” If you’re out with people and your reaction is negative, it does more than just make him feel small. It embarrasses him. And it will make the others with you think you’re bored with each other, or worse, have no respect for one another. And doesn’t that describe the fun couple to spend an evening with? Also keep in mind that if he’s so inclined, he’ll be able to get back at you for this one in the long run. Hormone fluctuations caused by pregnancy and/or menopause, will have you not only repeating stories, but forgetting things you’ve already said and to whom, what you were doing and where you were going. Keep all of this in mind, as you look straight into his eyes when he tells that story…again. If it’s supposed to be a funny story, laugh. Again. If it’s a serious story, say, “wow.” He’s trying the best he knows how to impress you. So act like you’re impressed. It shouldn’t be hard, because you were impressed, weren’t you, the first time you heard this story from him? Relive that and he’ll notice your eyes on him. Before you know it, he’ll be staring right back at you,with pride and love that he‘s can still hold you riveted after all this time together.

2) Touch him. Not sexual touches, small, fleeting, unnecessary touches. These have their most impact when you’re not in bed, ready to do the deed. Stroke his shoulder briefly, as you pass him while he’s sitting in his chair, watching telly or reading. If he’s at the sink and his back is turned to you, pat his bottom as you go from one room to the next. As he’s just dressed for work, fresh out of the shower, lean into him, sniff and say, “Mmmm.” Out to dinner with those friends again? Very briefly, touch the back of his hand, absently, while you or someone else is speaking (Not while he’s speaking, though. He’ll probably think you’re trying to signal discreetly that you want him to shut up.)
Remember, if this man has not been cheating on you (and we hope he hasn’t,) the only romantic touch he’ll ever experience again on his body, forever, is yours. Show him it was worth making that commitment. Show him you like to touch him, you like being the lucky woman who’s able to touch him where no other woman can. He’ll think about you for hours.

3) Laugh at his jokes. His silly, corny jokes. It doesn’t matter how lame you really think they are, or if again, you’ve heard them before. The delight on his face should be worth it to you. If it’s not, you’re married to the wrong man. So be his best audience. On the other hand, if he’s making a ‘joke’ to be annoying, just ignore him. Laughing as though you’re amused when he means to be amusing, and ignoring him when he’s being obnoxious, is positive reinforcement. The same dismissive“tch” of irritation from you, whether he just wants to see you smile, or whether he’s deliberately trying to provoke you, sends the message to him that no matter what he does, he’s nothing more than a minor nuisance in your life. And who amongst us isn’t driven wild with lust when the object of our affections makes us feel like we’re no more significant than a mosquito?

4) When things are getting ‘stirred up,’ out of the blue, pick a body part of his and tell him it’s “sexy.” Not the usual ones. Eyes, lips, bums and privates are ‘old hat.’ Pick something you haven’t mentioned before, at least not too often. Tell him he has sexy eyebrows, or toes, or fingernails, or knees. Trace whatever it is with your index finger and smile. You’d best pick something you really do think is cute or sexy, because then you should give whatever it is a quick kiss or tongue flick. Say,“May I kiss you there?” And when he says “yes,” which of course, he will, do it. Think this is silly? Laughing now, because, after all this time, your husband/lover has knobbly knees, or everything else equally shop-worn? Really? How ‘bout your body parts? Still as perfect as they were when the two of you first met? Chubby, thin, saggy, hairy, bald – whatever – this man isyours. And you are his. Have fun with that. Nobody else but the two of you are watching.

5) Take an interest in his interests. Don’t belittle them to him by saying things like, “it’s just a game,” or “it’s just a hobby.” Think of your hobbies/interests – are they “justs” to you? Or are they passions? Mine are cooking, politics, books, languages, poetry, decorating, foreign films and music of all kinds and types, weight-lifting. Gosh, I have several and many of those, my husband is only mildly interested in. He has other interests, which include baseball, poker, math, stock market fluctuations and rice farming. Yet, he doesn’t demean my passions, nor I his. One of his friends recently told me that his former girlfriend used to call his ‘men’s league’ baseball uniform his “baseball costume.” How passive-aggressive. You don’t have to dive into your husband’s/lover’s interests, but you do have to respect them. Listen when he talks about them. Ask questions. Not desultory ones- specific ones. You might find the answers more intriguing than you’d supposed. At the very least, you’ll learn something new. In my association with my husband, I’ve discovered that baseballs pitched exactly the same way, by exactly the same pitcher, in different weather and climates will ‘behave’ differently, that the stock market goes up and down as much on people’s perceptions and emotions, as on economic tangibles, that there are more types of rice than I ever could have known and that the latest Superman movie had grievous errors in it, because in the film, Superman moves green kryptonite and Superman in the comics, absolutely cannot bear to be near green kryptonite. And that’s not all he‘s taught me. I’m happy that I know them, as I never would have if I hadn’t met him. From me, he’s learned how to swear in Greek, finally tasted genuine Italian food and has enjoyed living in the benefits of feng shui. There’s nothing sexier than seeing the person you love excited about something, watching their eyes light up when they tell you about the things they love. And there’s nothing more exciting then talking about the things you love, with the one person you love, more than anyone else. So, listen when he talks about that slider, that photo lens, that golf stance, that quarterback, Beckham, his poem, whatever.

6) Say something ‘silly-saucy’ when he least expects it and when it can’t lead to sex. This has the best effect if you say it when he isn’t too distracted by something really pressing. For example, my husband rang me up last week on his way home from a business trip, to tell me that his plane would arrive the next night at 7:30 p.m. Ordinarily I pick him up at the airport. This time, however, I told him, “Oh, seven-thirty tomorrow? I’m so sorry dear, you’ll have to get someone else to pick you up. I’ve already got a date arranged for then with Mr. Gonzalez.We’re having dinner and sex after.” (Mr. Gonzalez is our friend’s seventy-year old gardener.) After a short pause, my husband, replied, “Oh. Alright then, honey, ask Mrs. Gonzalez to come get me.”

7) This is the best one I have to offer. When something happens that he warned you about, or predicted would happen, tell him about it. Start by saying, “Well, you were right again.” Say it with pride, not annoyance. He’ll then, for sure, say, “About what?” You got his attention. Who doesn’t like to be told how brilliant they are?
You might think this article is a silly bit of fluff, but I beg to differ. What makes life worth living most, after all, besides loving another person? Tragedies invariably come along, as noted in the first paragraph. Happy relationships are an elixir to the spirit, a reaffirmation that it’s worth being human, worth getting out of bed in the morning, no matter what current devastation is happening in the world. These little ‘flirting tips’ will put a smile on your loved one’s face and yours, too.
As women like to be flirted with much differently than do men, now that I’ve got your attention, next week I’ll write, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Wife.”

Thank you Patricia, for letting me borrow this unique piece for my blog. It is an amazing work.

What happens when a romance author’s own marriage waivers on the brink of disaster? Well I can tell you first hand. She stops writing, uninspired and afraid to even post a blog for fear of being discovered a sham, or disappointing her fans.

But I have come to this conclusion; even struggling romance is a hot topic. After all, is there anything hotter than screaming at the man you love well into the night, only to spend the wee hours of the morning making love and crying in his arms for fear of what is at stake?  Isn’t that the essence of every romance novel?

So here is the truth. My spouse and I are fighting with everything we’ve got in us to save our 21 year marriage. Like many other couples out there, we’ve had hard financial times, empty nest syndrome, taken one another for granted, and made what seems like unforgivable mistakes. Yet, here we are in the fight together.

Instead of avoiding this blog and all of you who have honored me by taking time to read it, I have decided to share the lessons as I stumble through them. Maybe they will help. Maybe you will laugh. Maybe you will cry because you are feeling the exact same thing. Above anything, I hope someone will benefit from what I learn the hard way, since that seems to be how I like to do things.

So lesson number one… you can only bang your head against the wall for so long before you pass out from a concussion. Meaning, no matter how bad you and your spouse want things to change, and no matter how hard you try, if you don’t have the skills you need to make it happen, they are not going to miraculously appear just because you try harder. Get help, whatever that looks like for the two of you. For us it meant couples counseling with a counselor experienced in our particular brand of crazy. Things started to improve when we got professional help. What seemed like a never ending Spirograph of circular arguments began to untangle to the point where we can begin to understand one another. Hey, it’s a work in progress. Reconstructing a marriage takes time once you've done your damndest to tear it apart. But, I believe it can be done.