Not only is cutting yourself some slack allowed, but absolutely necessary! First off I'd like to say this blog post was inspired by a reader's comment. I had been kicking it around for few days and it was one of those topics that tug at your sleeve, but you dismiss as not share worthy. After reading her comment, I knew it needed to be said.

Cut yourself some slack!

I totally understand that feeling of wavering faith in your talent and/or lack of inspiration. I am digging my way out of a two year dry spell myself. The last three years have been ....trying. Does that word even begin to cover it? NO... not really. I've been dealing with the same things many of you do, family health and relationship issues. I am blessed to have made it out the other side, a bit worse for the wear, but marriage intact. And although we often survive these life altering events, our creative juices dry up simply because the emotional juices take up all the space in your life. And... that's okay. It is what you need at the time, and although it may stall you and whatever your passion is for a short time (or long time), your calling will be there when you are ready to pick it back up. That's the beauty of a calling. It isn’t going anywhere because it is part of who you are. It may emerge on the other side of the path you're walking a changed thing, that's because you have changed. But it will still be there waiting for you.

So as I sit here keyboard in hand, facing the annual writer's event NANOWRIMO, an intimidating tradition even among the most seasoned writers, I began to listen to the voices in my head that were telling me.... yes of course I have voices in my head, I'm a writer, there are voices, arguments, pasionate kisses and murderous intentions all rolling around together in there, all hours of the day, but I digress.... the voices were particularly harsh telling me there was no way I was ready to complete a novel in a month. And I began to listen. And then I began to worry they were right. Until I realized, all I had to do was cut myself some slack. My creative juices are just starting to move again. No need to let this goal wring me dry again.

I decided to jump in and see what happened. Many writers don't finish NANOWRIMO. It's a tall order. Much like a Marathon, the goal is not to win necessarily, although that would be fantastic, but to make it to the finish line. The point of participating is to focus and do as much as you can in an allotted time. I can do it, and enjoy it, and be satisfied with my outcome, whatever that is, because I am cutting myself some slack. That doesn’t mean I am giving up before I start. It just means that I will do what I can. (Insert goal setting pep talk of your choice here. As important as goals are, that’s not what this post is about today)

I recently saw professional blogger/ social media maven/ productivity guru Alexis aka MissTrenchcoat talk about taking a break this past summer while she moved. She had a very similar view and cemented my beliefs. Her point was that sometimes you have to take a step back to make room for growth. Brilliant analogy.
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But I will take it one step further. Sometimes you need to brave the storm and not worry about the rebuild until the wind stops blowing. Sometimes, my dear readers, the fact that you are even willing to get up and try again after all is said and done, IS the actual victory. In the meantime cut yourself some slack.
  

Well, according to Psychology Today it is the difference lies with intention. The art piece intending to capture the beauty of the form is erotica and the piece intended to invoke sexual response is porn. I call Bull shit.

I believe all the Mom’s buying hot novels on amazon would agree with me. The intention of erotica is to make you sweat, squirm and pant in need right along with the heroine; and hopefully when you close the book, seek out your significant other.

Anne Rice herself posed this very question on Amazon and the answers were enlightening. The word “Porn” seems to conjure images of men in trench coats soliciting un-showered prostitutes. Whereas the word “erotica” alludes to fine ladies dallying with the pool boy. Come on ladies, man up call it what it is.

With titles like Cum for Bigfoot (Virginia Wade) and All Filled Up (Dominique Angel) there is little doubt the purpose of these books is to get us off. Or at least get us started. Which leads this author, who's see her share of both, to believe there isn't any difference.

So why do we hide our mom porn behind a veil of erotica? Because no teenage boy wants to stumble on his mom’s equivalent of playboy and know that’s what it is, for one. Two, censorship will allow erotica in public, but hide the porn forcing us to use code words so Amazon will still sell it to us. 

In conclusion, bring on the double secret agent speak and litterary brown paper wrappers, as long as it gets the job done, does it matter what we call it?

If you’ve read my blog before, you probably know I am not big on new year resolutions. I prefer adopting a new habit. Goal setting and implementing new tools to get there.  I also don’t subscribe to there being a particular time of year it needs to be done. Now! Now is the perfect time to do anything worthwhile.

Now that the dust has settled from my first book signing, I decided to share all I learned. I will start by saying the week before we were scheduled to be in Spokane, I went out to the garage where my husband was working and told him I changed my mind, we were not going.

I was terrified. I didn’t know what to expect and I truly believed if anyone came at all they would throw rotten fruit at me before leaving, mostly because I was not a New York Times bestselling author with a movie deal, and who did I think I was, and so on…
 

Well, I can only tell you from my experience. I believe for each author it's different, although, there seem to be some consistencies’ in the stories. Persistence, and what not. 
Here is mine.

In my late 20's I wrote my first book. I can say now, with complete certainty, it was horrible. Yet in my uneducated excitement, I queried with zeal to any publisher I could find listed in the back of a book.
Exactly what not to do. A waste of everyone's time.

After several no thank you letters, I bought a book on how to write novels and learned. Then I bought another, and another. I studied the craft and wrote another novel. This one was much better, but still received no thank you letters. Why?

Finally an agent took the time to speak with me on the phone, and imparted the secret to success. He told me 'you cannot write in a vacuum'. 

That was when I reached out to the writing community. I joined a critique group, I learned from others with more experience. I critiqued their work and in that process learned how to sharpen my own skills.   

I wrote another book. It went under the knife, My critique partners were ruthless. And what came out the other end is my first published novel. 

So, the lifecycle of an unpublished novel:
-Written
-Rewritten (maybe)
-Queried
-Dies

The lifecycle of a published novel:
-Written
-Rewritten
-Critiqued
-Rewritten
-Beta read
-Rewritten
-Queried
-Hopefully someone asks to see more
-Sent in (Wait forever)
-Contract offered (faint, celebrate)
-Editor has you gut it and rewrite again
-Publishing magic
-Book comes in a box you open it and hold it for a picture.

I’ve been reading about this mysterious thing we call a platform, and have come to realize, I’ve been going about it all wrong. No wonder I’ve spent much of my time feeling like a headless chicken. I do believe in multi-tasking to some degree, but I have always held close the quote “Jack of all trades, MASTER OF NONE.”

It seems to me in my journey to conquer the literary world, I’ve forgotten the second half of that quote.  I became so dizzy with tasks, I couldn’t do my main job, write the damn novel. Although I was pedaling as fast as I could, my bike remained stationary. Here is a list of career paths I didn’t choose on purpose: IT Guy, Artist, Marketing Guru, Carnival Barker, Salesman, Book Reviewer, Book Editor (Okay, I did pick that one, but it’s different when it’s your own work.) Yet these were all on my daily to do list. There had to be a better way.  

I hit the research and learned that not all platforms are created equal. In fact, Platforms for fiction writers are mysterious creatures. Much advice can be found about becoming an expert in your field, but what if you’re an author of erotic romance. Puts a whole new meaning on the word expert, doesn’t it? A great source of info on the topic: Your Writer Platform But to paraphrase and save you hours of reading; it’s all about building a relationship with your readers.  Ahhhhhh (using my opera voice here, arms open wide.) Haaaaaa!!!!

Here is what I discovered about a Fiction Platform:

1) You must offer something of value. Take time to create the best work you possibly can, because without the time investment there, the rest means nothing.

2) Focus less on ‘networking’ and more on interacting, by building lasting relationships. I figured out collecting followers and likes, won’t translate into fans and readers. All you will have in the end is a big group of authors with well scratched backs. See my point?  

Break it down:

Platform for non-fiction is about becoming a trusted authority.

(I am not a non-fiction author, so you can see my confusion, and although I would be totally willing take one for the team and become an authority on multiple orgasms from strangers, my hubby might have something to say about that.)

Platform for Fiction authors is all about building a relationship with your readers by engaging with them.

How do you do this before you have readers, you ask? It’s the chicken or the egg question all over again right? I struggled with that too. Let me tell you, it doesn’t have to be so complicated. Yes, all of those tasks I mentioned above have to be done to a certain degree. But none of them have to be mastered. My job as ‘Smutty Author’ is to master writing and relationships. That simple.  How do you build relationships in your regular life? Quality time. There is no short cut. 

I love books, everything about them. The smell, the weight in my hands, the journey they take me on. Since I was young, I’ve read veraciously. But once I became an author, my appetite became more refined. I found myself actually putting a book down without finishing it. It had never happened before, and when it happened a second time I realized things had changed. I’d developed pet peeves that interfered with my ability to just let go and enjoy the ride. What makes you put a book down? Did it change one you became an author? Or as a fan is there some you can tolerate, and some you cannot? Here are mine:

1) Head hopping. I am reading a novel now, I am half way through and still not attached to any one character. I was to become one with the heroine and be carried away. Maybe become one with hero to get turned on by the level of testosterone. Hey, it’s called fantasy for a reason.  I find the head hopping distracting and a sure fire way to plant me, the reader right in the audience observing, instead of in the action, feeling.

2) Things quivering and trembling. I am so over it. I think that falls under cliché rules. Don’t tell me her lips are quivering from fear or desire. ‘Show’ me her almost pissing her pants or the goose bumps on her flesh. Anything but the tried and true quiver. Yet I see it in so many new authors’ work.

3) “He whispered” My answer to him, grow a pair and tell me what you want, out loud like a grown up.

4) 50 shades of anything. I think our cherries have all been popped at this point. Let’s tuck in the shirttail and use our imagination to find something new without using the word Dom or Sub. Let me clarify, I am not saying don’t use the BDSM genre. Please do, I love it. But if you were writing a new vampire novel would you name your main characters Bella and Edward?

5) Journeys that go on and on ...and on, with no new plot development or character growth. Ya, I get they gotta go somewhere, but do we have to be along for the ride? I find myself yawning and thinking wake me up when something happens. Now for the disclaimer, because my last novel was basically a road trip with zombies. But I truly made an effort for each chapter to introduce something new about the destination or a character, building the tension and need to move forward.

So there it is, my new pet peeves. Before I began writing, although some didn’t excite me, I couldn’t pinpoint why. Now I tend to read with an author’s eye, and find these things distracting.  What distracts you when you are reading?

1) Somewhere In Time
When he takes that one step closer, and you think perhaps for a split second he is going to show her mercy, but doesn't... it makes my breath catch.

2) Thor
She is having no part of his polite goodbye kiss. His smile afterward is priceless and makes me smile right along with him. 

3) Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Neither one can shoot the other, and when he slaps her gun out of the way to kiss her yep, it make me quiver. 'Course I also like how she slaps back for the hell of it after they 'make up'.

4) The Quiet Man
We've all seen this scene in ET, but if you've not scene the orginal movie, it is well worth the watch. Excellent writing and who can help but be a fan of any woman brave enough to slap John Wayne. 

5) French Kiss
I love the passion with which he grabs her while they are kissing, as if he could not help himself. Makes me sigh.

1) "An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises." - Mae West

In other words, GET BUSY! I had to finally start using an old-fashioned datebook and carry it in my purse. I put in it what I want to accomplish the next week and live, live live for those little check marks. Mind you the tasks are simple, ie: one tweet , one post, one marketing contact. Write today. All those little check marks add up to something bigger by the end of the week. But always always move forward.

2) "If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun." - Katharine Hepburn

Rules are a fine line in the literary world. FIrst, you have to know the rules, then you have to shake them up, bend them, break them. Find your own way, and FORGE YOUR OWN PATH. But this can't be done if you don't know the landscape first, least you get stuck in quick sand. And if, by chance, you do get stuck, remember it's just a delay in the journey not the end of it. 

3) "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" - Dr. Seuss

Stand out from the crowd. Be true to yourself. You cannot be everything to everybody. But you are the only one like you out there. Listen to your inner voice and trust it. Everyone gets bad reviews. Everyone. Even Shakespeare had his critiques. The key is to question if there's an oppertunity to learn from it. If not, then ignore it. If so, then take it, run with it and become better for it. 

4) "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Don’t fret about what isn’t or didn’t work. There is no sucess without failure. Otherwise how would we know it when we got there. Think of every hicup as one more link in the chain you have to build to reach your goal. Find another way and keep going. Light your candle and move forward.


5) "There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." - Will Rogers

Never stop learning form experts.

These quotes have shaped me and made me, not just a better writer, but a braver one willing to try new things. Do you have a Quote that spurs you on? Share it in the comments below.

Social Media is not just for Socializing. There are experts (anyone who has sold exactly one more book than I) out there willing to share their extensive knowledge. Be the ‘Young Grasshopper’ to their ‘Master Po’. Soak up all they are willing to teach. Be quiet, listen and learn.

With all the chatter, it is called social media after all, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between the carnival barkers harking their wares and people with something to legitimate to offer. Today’s FAB 5 are sites that I have consistently learned something new with each visit. There are, of course many more, but these in particular have helped me hone my craft into something I am proud to share. I hope they help you as well.

http://boostblogtraffic.com/

http://heidicohen.com/

http://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/

http://www.socialmediaexaminer.com/

http://www.copyblogger.com/blog/

And if you have any sites you’ve found to be helpful, please add them in the comments. I am ready to learn at the feet of the masters.