As my 47th Birthday looms ahead, I feel a strange need to start pushing limits. Being brave. I want to take things up a notch in my daily existence. Sure, I’ve set some sturdy goals for 2017, broken them down into bite size pieces, and found ways to hold myself accountable for those. Thus far, I'm happy with my progress on them and feel like it’s going to be a hell of a year.

But that’s not enough in my ever graying state. I feel restless for more experiences.

So I’ve begun actively seeking ways to leave my comfort zone. Try new things, and I don’t just mean a new recipe. I am talking about experiences. For example, I make a mean chili. Friends and family have been to go so far as changing plans to come for dinner if they find out I am making chili. This month I volunteered to cook the chili for the annual Chamber of Commerce chili cook off for my day job.

This is a stretch for me. I am not domestic in any way shape or form. I am generally not a great cook, except a handful of dishes like my chili, which excel. I am going up against restaurants and even a culinary school. Will I win? Who knows, I do make a fine pot of chili. But the important thing is I am doing something so far out of the norm that it is challenging and worrisome, and exciting, and frightening, and amazing all at once. That is the kind of year I want to have. And, if I am lucky, it will snowball into an abundance of years filed with those words.

I challenge you to think of something you can do completely out of your comfort zone that is both exciting and frightening at the same time, then tell me about it in the comments below as a promise to yourself to try and make it happen. It doesn't have to cost money. It doesn't even have to be a big deal to anyone but you. But tell us about it soe we can share in each other's bravery. Your life is what you make of it, starting right now. Every minute is a chance to grow.

P.S. I won both trophies, yesterday, which made me nearly cry in front of hundreds of strangers. Take a chance, who knows what will happen!

​My fab 5 list of ways to get back in the mood, when the mood eludes you.
 
Feeling sexy, or more to the point, not feeling sexy is a battle every woman faces at some point. I know I have, and I know all my friends have… so what’s a lady to do when she would rather take a nap than “Nap” with the Hubby? It’s an easy solution really. Get back on the horse.
 
How, you say? I have so many things to do, you say. The creative juices are just not flowing, you say?
 
Well let me start by telling you, fair or not, sex drive is like an escalator. You are always in motion, and if you are not moving forward, you are losing ground. The good news is switching directions is as easy as flipping a switch (pun intended).
 
Studies show the more you have sex, the more you want it. And the less you have it… well, you get the picture.  So how do you make yourself want to, when the kids, laundry and life in general are calling?
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1) Stop worrying about what is not happening, and think about what IS happening.
I am as bad as the next lady about missing the here and now while I worry about either what didn't happen last time, or might not happen tomorrow. Meaning, if you are so focused on the fact that last week you never achieved an orgasm, or that tomorrow you have a back sale, you might miss that moment when your S.O. brushed the hair out of your face. When he is close, try to drink in the details. His smell, the way his hair feels under your finger tips. Noticing the details helps you stay in the moment.
 
2) Shake things up. Routine is the death to anything enjoyable. Think about it, even watching your favorite show on TV, if you can predict the ending, you start flipping channels. Try something, anything new. If you usually sleep in jammies, try sleeping in the buff for once. If you sleep in the buff, try sleeping in a satin nighty. If you always change in the bathroom, try standing in front of him while you take your bra off. It doesn't have to be a big deal to shake things up. Sometimes the smallest changes can really throw a monkey wrench in the routine, as you well know. Be that monkey wrench! 
 
3) Move it or lose it. Even if exercise is not your thing, try dancing in the living room, move your hips keep them active and mobile, and the blood pumping. Arousal has to do with blood flow. Scientific fact. Now way around it. BUT you don't have to be an athlete to make things happen, just move. Wiggle your hips from time to time. Wake them up, remind them you're the boss, and they are here to serve you. Find a rhythm that makes you feel sexy. Vanessa Isaac, the creator of Hip Brazil Dance and Fitness says "Awakening your inner rhythm awakens your sensuality."  
 
4) Me time. Quite frankly, it is hard not to resent the amount of time it takes to be intimate with someone else, if you are not making time for yourself. Yes, the world beckons, you are part of that world too, and NEED a bit of joy in your life. I am a huge planner addict, and i will tell you .... make sure you are on the "To Do" list, schedule it. Whatever that looks like to you. You cannot draw from an empty well. You cannot bring joy to your husband or children's day if you have no joy yourself. So start small if need be, but carve out a few minutes each day, week and month to make yourself feel good. Take a few minutes and hide in your room to ....whatever. Once a month make plans with a friend. Take a class, do something that is all about you, and I promise EVERYONE will reap the benefits, including your mate.
 
5) Read something sexy. As a romance author, this may seem self-serving, but trust me "Mom Porn" has its place in the world. There are so many authors and degrees of smut you should have no problem finding something out there that turns you on. And what's wrong with a little pre-game boost to the libido, so long as you turn to the hubby to bring it home?

So there you have it, 5 ways to get in the mood when you just aren't feeling it. Try one or two... let us know what works...or better yet, I would love to hear your ideas in the comments below. So would my other readers! We are in this together! Happy humpday my lovlies!

I had the opportunity to interview an amazing lady who's message is encouraging women everywhere, founder and owner of Planner Perfect and the Facebook group Project Me, Jenny Penton.

Let me start by saying I stumbled across Jenny a few months ago on YouTube, and found her videos there empowering. I recognized down in my gut/soul the truth in her message and wanted to shout from the rooftops so other women could hear it as well. Jenny spoke to the very thing I have been working to overcome the past two years, the surrender of my own identity in exchange for the roles I played as Mother and Wife for 20 years. The struggle back from that was a lonely road, one I thought was unique to me, until I began blogging about it in posts such as this: The One Question No Woman/Wife/Mother Likes to Answer. Turns out, this is a struggle for many women. Once I found Jenny, I knew I wanted to share her story here on my blog, to share her wisdom with you all. Not only are we in control of redefining ourselves, but we are not alone in this journey.

So let's do this! Jenny, I love your uplifting message to women and the story about your mother teaching you this planning method, can you tell us a little about the catalyst that made you realize you needed to share this with others? When did you realize this was more than just a way of life for you, but something you needed to share with others?

I the catalyst for me came from women just asking how I seemed to do everything and do it well. They were always shocked that I seemed to always be put together, showered with make-up on. So, I started a blog and have been helping women live better lives ever since. It's been fun to look back and see how Planner Perfect has evolved. 

How did your hubby and kids respond to that idea when you told them? How do they support you in this new role? Or do they just leave you to it?

My kids, being home schooled, have always been fully aware of my passion. I'd have to run errands and package my planners; they would tag-along and such. My husband got involved with my business when we opened in June of this year. He has been the backbone of Designs by Planner Perfect and my biggest support.

If a woman were new to Project Me and found the process overwhelming as a whole, what is the first step you recommend to get her on the path to self-discovery?

To just begin to script out her life as it is now and then begin to script out all she'd want to change. Digging deep, rewriting her hurts and look and see what's holding her back. This process takes a little time but is vital for growth. She should then begin to slowly write a better story; a story she wants to live, one that includes her; her dreams and her goals.

What are your top 5 self-care daily (or weekly) to do's that YOU can't do without?

Rising early to take care of my mental health is huge for me. Being a mom mandates an early rise. Getting ready for the day, every day. I take the time every day, usually before kids rise out of bed, and take my shower, put make-up on and get dressed for the day. I also take time to read or listen to my audible of my favorite inspiring mentors of mine. I also always take time to use my gifts and talent. I'll paint, do videos or whip up a huge dinner and invite friends over. 

Is there anything you'd like to share about your journey that is not well known? Any personal struggles that you had to overcome to get to this healthier place of self-love and worthiness?

I had lots of hurdles to overcome. In my 20's and early 30's I didn't know who I was, what I stood for, nor what i believed. I was insecure and fearful and only knew the role I played to be my identity, that being a mom of a lot of home-schooled children. I now know that all my problems and insecurities came from a place of fear. God kept tapping on my shoulder, nudging me to find me again; to know who I was as a woman, to heal from past hurts and to follow my heart and my dreams! The journey has been remarkable in that once I invested in myself, began to love myself, and grow and learn all I needed to develop my talents and gifts, I began to see doors open and my life was and still is full of joy! 

What is next for you and Planner Perfect?

What's next for me? I have huge plans. I have an e-course coming January 1 2017, and books I want to write. Books to inspire women to be all they were created to be.

Thank you, Jenny, for taking the time to chat with me and share your encouragement with my readers.

Thank you for the thought provoking questions, hope this helps other women to work on themselves and to be all they were created to be!​

If you would like to find Jenny on line, I have provided a few of her links. This is journey worth taking ladies, you will emerge on the otherside a changed woman. Blessings!

Planner Perfect on Facebook

Designs by Planner Perfect

Project Me Facebook Group
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I recently shared a post in a group on Facebook (Project me) about my personal struggle to get healthy. It received a huge response, which was so unexpected and led me to believe I am not alone in this struggle. The comments were not just supportive. They were heartfelt and so touching (some nearly brought me to tears) that I agreed to share more of my journey. Fair warning, this post is not about romance novels, however it is about loving yourself.

SO as promised .... Here is the beginging,,,

Original Post in Project Me:

​I want to share something I've been working on and had a couple weeks of success. Maybe it will help some of you who struggle with the same thing. Maybe I just want accountability. But here goes, I have gained and lost the same 50 lbs. probably 5 times in the past 10 years. This time has been the roughest because I am 46 and with the weight gain has come pain and stiffness, making it hard to get active. I was back up to XXX. Lord knows I hate to say it out loud, but I have come to think of this group as a safe place. The overall feeling of being 2 pounds away from my heaviest at any point in my life including pregnancy, coupled with the empty nest syndrome, and marital issues my hubby and I have struggled through over the past couple years has left my overall self-esteem and womanliness in the pits. This last year I have been climbing out of that pit, looking for new ways to honor myself as a woman, wife and mother. Finding Project me and learning to journal has been a tremendous tool.

One of the struggles I have is sleep. I often just don't sleep. My mind zooms and I lay awake for hours, or get up and wander the house at 3am, dreading the alarm clock saying its time to get ready for work. Well, I made some changes and am happy to report I have slept really good for two weeks, and have lost 4 lbs. this month. That is what prompted me to share what happened.

I have always wanted to try Zumba, but not been able to afford it, or whatever else excuse I could make. Mostly I didn’t want to look foolish because I can’t move like they do in the videos. Well, I decided to goggle a local class. I found one around the corner from my house really really cheap. I have been going for three weeks now, 2 nights a week. No excuses. Then I found a self-care list for September, one of those was doing a guided meditation. When I looked for one of those on Youtube, I discovered multiple ones for sleeping and weight loss. I have been listening at night as part of my bed time routine. I started writing down everything I eat and counting the calories on the website Calorie King, everything, even the creamer in my coffee. I don’t have a calorie goal, it’s just about being aware then making better choices. There is absolutely no way I can be successful long term on a 1200 calorie diet, I know, I've tried over and over. But making better choices, "listening to my body" as Jenny (Penton) says and making myself important enough to find a way to do Zumba and the meditations, I feel so blessed.

I've lost Four pounds in three weeks, and not using some crazy restrictive diet, but just by loving myself enough to do what my body needs and craves. Sleeping, moving, and being aware of what I put in my mouth. Is it really that simple? I just wanted to share. Thank you if you are still reading this long winded post.

So there you have it, the truth about my journey. Come to find out, there are many of us on this path, and here I thought I had it all to myself. :) Just to clarify, I am NOT changing my stance on loving who you are RIGHT now as you stand. That is first and foremost, still my belief. I love my curves, and this amazing body that has given birth, been large, been small, and all sizes in between, taken me on adventure after adventure. I love myself enough to recognize I am loosing the abitlity to move, ever so slightly an inch at a time. And I REFUSE to loose any more. So this is my journey, not to get skinny because I don't care what size I am, I have been small and large and the truth is I was happiest and felt my best somewhere in between. My path leads to a happy me full of movement and energy. 

If you are interested in following this process, I will be blogging about it as I go. If you are interested in any of the tools I am using, I will list them below. 

If you want to join the Zumba class I found with an amazing instructor, here is her link:
Zumba With Queena

If you need to find a class somewhere else, this is how I found mine:
Find A Local Zumba Class

Meditations I am using (but there are lots to choose from out there):
Michael Sealy
​Liberation Mind

Tracking my food, exercise and sleep habits on an insert to my day runner. I use the Happy Planner by MAMBI and they make a four month fitness insert, so I don't even have to carry a second notebook to track my calories. 
Here is a link to a video on how I am using it, if you want to check it out. You can pick one up at Hobby Lobby, Michaels or even MAMBI's website. 
Happy Planner Fitness Insert Setup

     You run around all day, gettin’-r-done, taking care of the people in your life that rely on you for everything from clean socks to date-night. Witnesses hail you as Wonder Woman in the wake of your accomplishments. So I ask the taboo question, when was the last time you did something that was all you. Not squirt, not the hubby, not the bake sale, not the sixth committee you signed up to be second chair on and the first chair lady bailed so now….. (you know how that story ends). Just YOOOOOOU.

     Neglecting your own needs, dreams and desires is a dangerously bad habit to get into. I am not saying put yourself in the front of the line. Come on now, I’ve been on that crazy train called first day of school, and being first in line just isn’t happening for the CEO of a family. Experts say a happy mom is a happy family, but I submit those experts have never had to wrangle four kids at 6:30 AM and still get their own teeth brushed. I know the truth.

     I know that if you put yourself first, the rest of the world will spin out of control off into the vast universe, and you will be the one who has to go chase it down and rope it back in. BUT, I am telling you now, years of pretending that's okay, or that your needs don’t matter will take their toll. Eventually you lose track of who you are without the appendages of children and hubby.

     Don't panic, I am not saying you need to come first, to maintain an identity, but you have to at least be on the ‘top ten’ of your own to do list. It’s about balance. You can take care of everything and take care of yourself a little too. I swear.

     Think about it a minute. We plan our kiddos parties, we plan date night, we plan dinner, heck…some of us even ‘plan’ to clean house (not me, but some of us). Perhaps, in order to find time for yourself you need to actually put ‘you’ on the calendar, and keep that appointment with yourself. That way, you know when it's coming, which gives you time to prep for it and make it happen. NO excuses. 

     I’m not going to lie, I am as guilty as the next momma. I also struggle with making myself a priority, so I had to do some research to figure out what 'doing for me' even looked like. I read a book The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson. I did enjoy the book, although I think her budget is very different than mine, but the basic concepts got me thinking, what did I do in my life that was all about me? The answer was a big, fat negatory, nada, zilch. This is what happens when you neglect yourself for many, many years. So, at the ripe old age of 46, I embarked on a journey to find myself, which I will share in future blog posts for anyone else who finds themselves on this path.

     If you’re like I was, and have no idea where to begin, another good place to start is Jenny Penton’s Vlog, Project Me). I stumbled across her YouTube channel this summer and watched this post where she reinforced everything I was feeling and thinking.  Only, she goes about it in a more organized way than I did. She plans for herself and makes it happen, which I love.

     If you just want to start small and need some ideas, read my blog post 5 Ways to Pamper Yourself When You Are The Cheapest Woman On The Planet.

   So my question stands, what have you done to take care of you? Or… what will you do?

     I would love to hear your ideas and plans in the comments below. 

It’s easy to say "I want to make a change in my life", but then the “when", "how", and "what does that look like” make the choices seem overwhelming. We tend to get stuck in looking at all our imperfections, wanting to fix everything we perceive wrong with ourselves in one magic moment, basically becoming an entirely new entity. Then the task seems momentous and we shrug and say "oh well, it was a good thought. But who am I kidding. This is who I am going to be forever."

Riddle me this Batgirl, what makes change possible? Is it being a super hero and leaping tall piles of what we hate in ourselves in a single bound? Orrrr…. Is it taking one courageous step in ANY direction, different from the place where we have been standing still far too long?
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One step, that all it takes to change EVERYTHING. One small step. Because by definition, even one small step away from habits and/or routine, one small step from who we were yesterday makes us a new creation today. The thing that trips us up is being afraid of where to step next. I propose that it’s not about the destination or goal. It IS about not doing the same thing you did yesterday. That is a win! Imagine looking down at your feet and seeing an empty footstep where you used to be. Don’t worry about looking up at the goal and seeing how far away it is. Just keep moving.

That’s all well and good you might say, but where do I start?

A good way to begin is by doing a simple 30 day challenge.Soooo many types of 30 day challenges! (I have a board on Pinterest dedicated to them. Steal one if you like.)  Some focus on exercise and eating right, drinking water and healthy habits. Some contain the key to decluttering, being a better Mother or wife. Being a happier YOU. Learning to meditate, learning to run when all you’ve ever done is walk. So many choices!
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I began collecting these challenges because my personal goal this year is to pick one each month and do my BEST at it. If I miss a day, I pick an easier day and do two tasks, or I skip it all together and move on. The key is to keep moving, keep trying keep looking at those empty footsteps behind you and smile in the knowledge you are growing. If you don’t see any you like, make up your own. Maybe you wish you looked more put together even though you are a housewife and feel like there is no place to go. SO maybe your challenge is not to wear a pony tail or sweat pants for a month. Maybe ad some lip gloss on a day the no pony tail thing was particularly easy. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something that embraces the spirit of your goal. Not everything, and not all at once. And if you happen to wear a ponytail one day, then you try again the next day, because it makes you feel good to do it.

First off, I'd like to start by saying I love "trick shots" as much as the next gal. But when did sex become all about staging the scene? Yes, kink absolutely has its orgasmic place. But can one survive on a diet of only exotic, rich desserts? No, at least probably not without some gastronomic distress. It doesn't nourish your body. Just as kink is no substitute for that deep, real connection in your love making, which nourishs your relationship.

I am here today to point out that when the focus of sex becomes all about being HOT, there can be a danger that it also becomes less about the connection between the two of you. Corny I know, but the best sex I've ever had with my husband has been in the heat of the moment. No planning. No worrying about the right lingerie. No thoughts about what position to transition to for the best penetration and stimulation of the g-spot.

The physical act of sex has become so focused on erotic experience, I can't help but wonder if all of us everyday people   (I hope it's not just me) have begun to feel that in order to have a satisfying sex life, we have to constantly up the anti. Finding that next level of kink to push past the doldrums. But in that process, we can lose the sensation of the world falling away as we stare into each other’s eyes and connect emotionally.

Remember that feeling the first time he touched you? Were you worried about getting in the right position? I dare say no. You were focused on the texture of his skin against yours and the way he smelt while he breathed on your neck. Your leg found its way to wear it needed to be without direction from you.  I guarantee it.

I propose a smarter way to better sex. A level of intimacy that can only be achieved when we let go of the physical aspects around us. Don’t get me wrong, spanking, squirting, and handcuffs all have their place, but is it possible to loose the emotion behind sex when worrying about how to get and stay in the twister inspired position? Where is my leg? Is my ass jiggling? Please don’t touch that fat roll! Any of these thoughts sound familiar?

But how do you take sex to the next level without adding porn style kink at every turn? Make damn sure, whatever flavor sex you’re having, the focus is all about the connection. If you can’t remember how to get back to that connection, there is an entire practice based on doing just that called tantric sex. You can follow this link to find out the basics from the pros. If that seems a little intimidating, here is a simpler break down on reconnecting with your partner from the Huffington post.

I am not saying experimentation and setting the mood is a waste of time. Not at all! Planning a sexy night experimenting with pleather body suits and candle wax can certainly get things going. If that is your new adventure, go for it! Just don’t rely on it. Kink doesn’t fill your heart. I think you would do better to enrich your sex life by focusing on your senses. That moment when he reaches out to touch you, let everything else go. Be in that moment, nowhere else. Let the world fall away. Touching, feeling, tasting and smelling your partner is more important than the rubber suit riding up your ass.
Just my two cents.
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Anyone out there brave enough to share what they do to reconnect with their partner? 

It's casual Sat at the office. No clients. No business associates, other than the norm office crew. Everyone dressed down with their sleeves rolled up to dig in and get some work done. Me? I walk in sporting my pigtails, ready to get busy. Co-worker next to me comments that no one over ten should be caught dead wearing pigtails. Pppffffssstttt. That's the sound of the air being sucked outta my joy balloon.

So I lifted my chin and refrained from smarting back, because that dear friends, is how I roll...most of the time. It got me to wondering, is my ripe old age of 45 too old for pigtails? Joy? Playfulness? At what age am I supposed to chop off all my locks and get a tight, short Grandma perm and start bitching about young people these days? Dear Lord, just shoot me...seriously, please...I'm begging you. 

A little history here might be helpful. At about 35, my kids had gotten older and needed me less, I suffered a loss of identity and started to give into the pull, dressing the way I thought was appropriate for my new stage in life. The way my older peers said I should. And little by little I forgot who I was. Hell, I even went so far as to start wearing hand me downs from my MIL. Don't laugh. It happened. Why? Because I was giving in. Insecurities crept into my soul and Boom! I lost the sparkle in my eye. People noticed. My husband and kids noticed. I noticed. Then the worst possible thing happened. At about the age 40, I began to hate myself.  

I had to do something drastic! Something absurd, something for just me. I bought a hair flower. Simple, small, beautiful. I bought it because I wanted it. I bought it because I shouldn't. I bought it because it spoke to me. It said 'I am who you used to be'. And I wore it. It didn't match. It didn't have to. It was a new beginning. The road back to loving myself as I did back when I was vivacious and 'young'.  

So back to my pigtails. I rocked them with my chin in the air and a smile on my face, knowing that I had something that co-worker didn't understand. She didn't have to. That's kinda the point. Doing what brings you joy is the only way to live your life. You will never be deserving enough, or as young as you once were, or whatever it is that runs through your head when you tell yourself no. That's why you have to love yourself enough to say yes anyhow. That right there, my friends, is the fountain of youth. 
  
​I quoted Dylan Thomas's poem because truer words were never spoken on the topic of not so much aging, but of the loss of passion in your life. Many people think Dylan Thomas was writing about his father dying, but scholars say he was actually speaking about his father's impending blindness as wordsmith, Mira Zaslove explains...

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night is, therefore not just about fighting against the blindness of the old man or Thomas's own battles, but about all of us raging against our weaknesses, and the gradual loss of our fire, passions, and life."

An article circulated around this time last year that caused a stir, '24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30', which I refuse to link because much like my co-worker, its only intention was to suck the joy from others without purpose or reason. (You can google it if you need to, but I wouldn't bother.) What came of it was amazing... an outcry of woman over 30 celebrating life, rather than hiding from it. My favorite response being this one from social media maven, Kristen Lamb. Behold, her Pinterest page dedicated to older women dressing and behaving badly.

So, what to take away from this blog post/rant? Celebrate your life, style and tastes. Don't hide from them because of age, weight or career path. Don't let others dictate who you should be. You are unique, and embracing that will banish the shadows from your day. Much love!

I am reposting this here on my site with the original author's permission, Patricia V. Davis, because I think this is one of the best articles I've ever read on the topic.

Seven Ways to Flirt With Your Husband
Posted by: Patricia Volonakis Davis on: September 10, 2007

After the fires in Greece, lost young girls, devastating storms and several other tragedies that have taken place in the world in the last week, not the least of which seems to be, if we can judge by the tremendous newspaper coverage it’s been getting here in the States, the demise of Britney Spears pop career, I thought I should lighten things up a little with this week’s blog.

Hence I present to you, my neighbours and friends, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Husband.” This might be of interest only to female readers, but I hope men will review this, too. In case I’ve got any of it wrong, I welcome being set straight by the male population. Any insight into the masculine mind is helpful to those of my sex who value our associations with our men.

It’s been my experience that these work well if you’ve been in a romantic relationship with a man, married or not, for at least five years and it’s a reasonably happy one. For the purpose of this article, ‘happy’ means that when his key turns in the lock, you say to yourself (most of the time, at least) “Oh, good, he’s here,” and not “God help me, he’s here.” Even if the “oh, good,” just means you’re planning to send him out for milk, or waiting for him to take you to the cinema, you feel safe with him and within your partnership. In fact, you’re both so comfortable with each other by now, that blatant flirting seems ‘silly,’ maybe, or just too contrived. Still, you might be thinking…you know…it’d be nice to “add a little spark,” without making any drastic changes in your day-to-day interactions and without having to try out the sexual positions they outline in Cosmopolitan. (Those are daunting to all but the most lithe and nimble amongst us.)
The methods below, some tactile, some mental, are easy and subtle. They’ll make your man feel like a million dollars. Trust me, he‘ll return the favour.

1) Make eye contact. Okay, so he’s telling one of his stories you’ve heard at least a dozen times before. So what? For some reason, he likes to tell this story, whatever it is. Maybe it reminds of a time when he felt really good, or maybe, if he’s telling it while you’re with other people, he believes it makes him sound witty and fun. What do you gain by rolling your eyes or saying, “you’ve told this one before?” All that accomplishes is to make him feel small in your eyes. He’ll think, “she doesn’t really like me to talk to her” and so he won’t. Then you’ll feel slighted that he has nothing to say to you any more, like he“used to, when you first met.” If you’re out with people and your reaction is negative, it does more than just make him feel small. It embarrasses him. And it will make the others with you think you’re bored with each other, or worse, have no respect for one another. And doesn’t that describe the fun couple to spend an evening with? Also keep in mind that if he’s so inclined, he’ll be able to get back at you for this one in the long run. Hormone fluctuations caused by pregnancy and/or menopause, will have you not only repeating stories, but forgetting things you’ve already said and to whom, what you were doing and where you were going. Keep all of this in mind, as you look straight into his eyes when he tells that story…again. If it’s supposed to be a funny story, laugh. Again. If it’s a serious story, say, “wow.” He’s trying the best he knows how to impress you. So act like you’re impressed. It shouldn’t be hard, because you were impressed, weren’t you, the first time you heard this story from him? Relive that and he’ll notice your eyes on him. Before you know it, he’ll be staring right back at you,with pride and love that he‘s can still hold you riveted after all this time together.

2) Touch him. Not sexual touches, small, fleeting, unnecessary touches. These have their most impact when you’re not in bed, ready to do the deed. Stroke his shoulder briefly, as you pass him while he’s sitting in his chair, watching telly or reading. If he’s at the sink and his back is turned to you, pat his bottom as you go from one room to the next. As he’s just dressed for work, fresh out of the shower, lean into him, sniff and say, “Mmmm.” Out to dinner with those friends again? Very briefly, touch the back of his hand, absently, while you or someone else is speaking (Not while he’s speaking, though. He’ll probably think you’re trying to signal discreetly that you want him to shut up.)
Remember, if this man has not been cheating on you (and we hope he hasn’t,) the only romantic touch he’ll ever experience again on his body, forever, is yours. Show him it was worth making that commitment. Show him you like to touch him, you like being the lucky woman who’s able to touch him where no other woman can. He’ll think about you for hours.

3) Laugh at his jokes. His silly, corny jokes. It doesn’t matter how lame you really think they are, or if again, you’ve heard them before. The delight on his face should be worth it to you. If it’s not, you’re married to the wrong man. So be his best audience. On the other hand, if he’s making a ‘joke’ to be annoying, just ignore him. Laughing as though you’re amused when he means to be amusing, and ignoring him when he’s being obnoxious, is positive reinforcement. The same dismissive“tch” of irritation from you, whether he just wants to see you smile, or whether he’s deliberately trying to provoke you, sends the message to him that no matter what he does, he’s nothing more than a minor nuisance in your life. And who amongst us isn’t driven wild with lust when the object of our affections makes us feel like we’re no more significant than a mosquito?

4) When things are getting ‘stirred up,’ out of the blue, pick a body part of his and tell him it’s “sexy.” Not the usual ones. Eyes, lips, bums and privates are ‘old hat.’ Pick something you haven’t mentioned before, at least not too often. Tell him he has sexy eyebrows, or toes, or fingernails, or knees. Trace whatever it is with your index finger and smile. You’d best pick something you really do think is cute or sexy, because then you should give whatever it is a quick kiss or tongue flick. Say,“May I kiss you there?” And when he says “yes,” which of course, he will, do it. Think this is silly? Laughing now, because, after all this time, your husband/lover has knobbly knees, or everything else equally shop-worn? Really? How ‘bout your body parts? Still as perfect as they were when the two of you first met? Chubby, thin, saggy, hairy, bald – whatever – this man isyours. And you are his. Have fun with that. Nobody else but the two of you are watching.

5) Take an interest in his interests. Don’t belittle them to him by saying things like, “it’s just a game,” or “it’s just a hobby.” Think of your hobbies/interests – are they “justs” to you? Or are they passions? Mine are cooking, politics, books, languages, poetry, decorating, foreign films and music of all kinds and types, weight-lifting. Gosh, I have several and many of those, my husband is only mildly interested in. He has other interests, which include baseball, poker, math, stock market fluctuations and rice farming. Yet, he doesn’t demean my passions, nor I his. One of his friends recently told me that his former girlfriend used to call his ‘men’s league’ baseball uniform his “baseball costume.” How passive-aggressive. You don’t have to dive into your husband’s/lover’s interests, but you do have to respect them. Listen when he talks about them. Ask questions. Not desultory ones- specific ones. You might find the answers more intriguing than you’d supposed. At the very least, you’ll learn something new. In my association with my husband, I’ve discovered that baseballs pitched exactly the same way, by exactly the same pitcher, in different weather and climates will ‘behave’ differently, that the stock market goes up and down as much on people’s perceptions and emotions, as on economic tangibles, that there are more types of rice than I ever could have known and that the latest Superman movie had grievous errors in it, because in the film, Superman moves green kryptonite and Superman in the comics, absolutely cannot bear to be near green kryptonite. And that’s not all he‘s taught me. I’m happy that I know them, as I never would have if I hadn’t met him. From me, he’s learned how to swear in Greek, finally tasted genuine Italian food and has enjoyed living in the benefits of feng shui. There’s nothing sexier than seeing the person you love excited about something, watching their eyes light up when they tell you about the things they love. And there’s nothing more exciting then talking about the things you love, with the one person you love, more than anyone else. So, listen when he talks about that slider, that photo lens, that golf stance, that quarterback, Beckham, his poem, whatever.

6) Say something ‘silly-saucy’ when he least expects it and when it can’t lead to sex. This has the best effect if you say it when he isn’t too distracted by something really pressing. For example, my husband rang me up last week on his way home from a business trip, to tell me that his plane would arrive the next night at 7:30 p.m. Ordinarily I pick him up at the airport. This time, however, I told him, “Oh, seven-thirty tomorrow? I’m so sorry dear, you’ll have to get someone else to pick you up. I’ve already got a date arranged for then with Mr. Gonzalez.We’re having dinner and sex after.” (Mr. Gonzalez is our friend’s seventy-year old gardener.) After a short pause, my husband, replied, “Oh. Alright then, honey, ask Mrs. Gonzalez to come get me.”

7) This is the best one I have to offer. When something happens that he warned you about, or predicted would happen, tell him about it. Start by saying, “Well, you were right again.” Say it with pride, not annoyance. He’ll then, for sure, say, “About what?” You got his attention. Who doesn’t like to be told how brilliant they are?
You might think this article is a silly bit of fluff, but I beg to differ. What makes life worth living most, after all, besides loving another person? Tragedies invariably come along, as noted in the first paragraph. Happy relationships are an elixir to the spirit, a reaffirmation that it’s worth being human, worth getting out of bed in the morning, no matter what current devastation is happening in the world. These little ‘flirting tips’ will put a smile on your loved one’s face and yours, too.
As women like to be flirted with much differently than do men, now that I’ve got your attention, next week I’ll write, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Wife.”

Thank you Patricia, for letting me borrow this unique piece for my blog. It is an amazing work.

It's been a long, hot summer and this author is ready for fall. Typically speaking, I am the first in line to party Halloween night. But having just moved and been going non-stop all summer, I am ready to lounge in front of the fire with my honey and a hot buttered rum. So, this Halloween that is exactly what I have planned. Date Night with the hubby. But it is Halloween, so just any date night won't do. I have something special planned. Date night Jenga. Yep. You've heard of they family game? Maybe even the drinking game. I have decided to make up my own version with sexy and thoughtful commands designed to make our Halloween date night magical.

Then I thought, maybe I'm not the only one who's up for a quiet intimate Halloween. So, I am going to share the game here with you. I intend to type the commands listed below, print & cut, then hodge podge them to the blocks of a Jenga game. I hope you enjoy, because every night is right for romance. If you have any ideas to add, just share the love in the comments below. One random commenter will be chosen at the end of the week to win a romance themed gift box from me, which will include a signed paperback copy of my novel "Only Love Survives" a zombie themed steamy romance.
Happy Halloween romance lovers!

-Kiss a patch of exposed skin.
-Expose a patch of skin and kiss it.
-Slow dance 1 song.
-Take your undies off.
-Take off a piece of THEIR clothing with your teeth.
-Run your tongue along their 'Happy Trail'.
-Flash partner.
-Take a body shot off partner.
-Lick whipped cream of body part of their choice.
-Go again.
-Give special kisses. 1 minute.
-Receive special kisses. 1 minute.
-Give a lap dance.
-Get a lap dance.
-Use an ice cube on partner creatively. 1 minute.
-They kiss YOUR inner thigh.
-Frisk your partner against the wall while they hum the theme to "Cops". 1 minute
-Give a massage, they pick body part. 1 minute
-Give a massage, you pick body part. 1 minute.
-Kiss me like YOU want to be kissed.
-Staring contest. Winner draws next.
-Kiss for 2 minutes, no hands.
-Make partner change into outfit of your choice.
-Describe your dream vacation to partner.
-I get butterflies when you...
-Tell a favorite memory from when you were dating.
-I feel special when you...
-My favorite place to be touched is...
-I get goose bumps when you...
-I feel safe when you...
-I love you because...
-I find it Sexy when you...
-It turns me on when you...

Follow this link to the hop for more fun, great books, and awesome prizes.
http://www.thesnarkology.com/snarkology-halloween-hop-oct-26-31st/
For a chance to win these prizes:
(1) $100 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card or
(1) $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card
Go to the hop's 'like' and 'follow' list here... http://goo.gl/forms/C8m0B2NQ3d