But I have come to this conclusion; even struggling romance is a hot topic. After all, is there anything hotter than screaming at the man you love well into the night, only to spend the wee hours of the morning making love and crying in his arms for fear of what is at stake? Isn’t that the essence of every romance novel?
So here is the truth. My spouse and I are fighting with everything we’ve got in us to save our 21 year marriage. Like many other couples out there, we’ve had hard financial times, empty nest syndrome, taken one another for granted, and made what seems like unforgivable mistakes. Yet, here we are in the fight together.
Instead of avoiding this blog and all of you who have honored me by taking time to read it, I have decided to share the lessons as I stumble through them. Maybe they will help. Maybe you will laugh. Maybe you will cry because you are feeling the exact same thing. Above anything, I hope someone will benefit from what I learn the hard way, since that seems to be how I like to do things.
So lesson number one… you can only bang your head against the wall for so long before you pass out from a concussion. Meaning, no matter how bad you and your spouse want things to change, and no matter how hard you try, if you don’t have the skills you need to make it happen, they are not going to miraculously appear just because you try harder. Get help, whatever that looks like for the two of you. For us it meant couples counseling with a counselor experienced in our particular brand of crazy. Things started to improve when we got professional help. What seemed like a never ending Spirograph of circular arguments began to untangle to the point where we can begin to understand one another. Hey, it’s a work in progress. Reconstructing a marriage takes time once you've done your damndest to tear it apart. But, I believe it can be done.